Epilogue-Because What’s Behind Me is Important #BreakingAwayFinito

I hope you had as much fun reading this series as I had writing it. I don’t think I have laughed harder then when I offered to bring in the Feast of Seven Fishes to the employee pot luck. I may use that someday for real.

I had the storyline sketched out then Steve would say, “put HC (the head complainer) in a Roman Senator outfit.” What? The Puccini picture was always going to be hanging in my office, we own it and it’s been hanging in our house for 20 years. “How about he speaks to you in Italian and says your coworkers are jealous. Put in the first rule of Italian driving. Drive a different car everyday. Drive a Smartcar today.” You get the idea.

Steve and I have a game we call it “Trouble” throw a random lie over to see if it can be handled. He throws it my way when I’m checked out or have my nose in a newspaper. It usually happens in a group of strangers. The only rule is you can’t say it is not true. It is so hard to talk about the lie randomly thrown at you, that you squirm to switch the topic. You get the idea. After it’s over we rate how it was handled.

Another version is “Commotion” when you throw a random thought into a group and they get all riled up. I would like to say we score it but we don’t because you always know who handles it the best.

He would throw a thought my way and we laughed every night.

Then the hard work would start how to incorporate it into my theme:

• I am exploring my Italian heritage and want to identify as Italian. 

• I don’t care what people think or I’m clueless to what people think because I’m going for it anyway. You can be the judge. 

• My coworkers hate me.

My coworkers were just a backdrop because who doesn’t like to make observations about their coworkers? When you are feeling all Bob Cratchity at work and your coworkers throw you a Tiny Tim of humor. How fun is that?

HC and the complainettes were no one in particular but a combination of those unempathetic people you meet in life. That their beliefs are so strong they refuse to consider another person's point of view. Maybe change their mind. I have had a few in my life. How about you?

I would create what I could at night then on the drive to work finalize the day's installment.

Bravi to my creative friends out there who create everyday; visual art, write beautiful words, perform amazing music etc... It is hard work!

Why I Wrote #BreakingAway

As you know, I told you my feelings about my “reunion” are front and center right now as I approach my 10 year anniversary in “reunion” and my birthday.

One of my assignments in Italian class was to write about my family. The example to follow was a description of my brothers and sisters. On our list of descriptors; adotatto-adopted.

You never know what’s going to hit you but this made me anxious and sad. I wasn’t sure whether this was an old anxiety about explaining myself as a kid, or now as an adult explaining my birth family. When I am asked questions about my family, I would stammer through it as a kid and I stammer through it as an adult.

Most of you know when you talk to me face to face that I’m basically an introverted person, so it becomes even more awkward.

Music has been an outlet to express myself and writing has been an outlet to explain myself. So I use both.

I also use my belief that everything happens for a reason, so I took the challenge for some personal growth. I could have answered that question as I always do-awkwardly. I could have let the sadness and anxiety take over and become withdrawn.

I decided that I was not going to let my birth family ruin one more day in my life. I remembered how another adoptee answers this question. She was/is the most significant influence on how I maneuver through these things and for that and so many other things, I thank her. She presents herself in these situations by saying, “I have two mothers or I’m adopted.” No awkward answers, she just throws it out. People engage her or not.

I took that theme for my class assignment, I wrote Io Ho Due Famiglie and wrote about my two families. Even though I have written about it, I don’t often speak about it to non adoptees. Add that to personal growth checklist.

In this series, I wanted to express my search to identify as Italian.

All my adopted family sitting out there my nephews, my niece and my cousins, our family is French. Our parents/grandparents spoke French. For my generation and before we all went to French elementary school and spoke French for most of the day. That’s our family. BTW-it doesn’t help with my study of Italian. I could probably say a prayer for you in French if you need one.

I want to experience the other part of me, my DNA.

Thank you to my birth family cousins that are out there and keep me connected to our heritage. Mia cugina reached out and said, “I believe you are learning Italian and listening to Sicilian music because you are speaking to our great grandparents and your grandparents. Your grandparents are listening and proud of you.” She told me that her mother would say, “if you miss your grandparents talk to them, they are listening." I love that idea. She sent me a picture of our great grandmother Rose pronounced Rosa. I’m placing that picture on the rear view mirror of my car because what’s behind me is important. My car has always been named Rose after her and it’s the color of a red rose.

I name all my cars, the Audi is named Otto in case you were wondering. Now I can talk to her everyday. I can say, “Buongiorno Rose, come stai? Andiamo (let's go).” Among other things.

Hopefully, I communicated this to you in a more fun and lighthearted way about the search for my Italian heritage.

I’m asked whether I would do it all over again if I had the choice. I say, “absofrinkinlutely.” Even though it didn’t go as I hoped, I am satisfied with the outcome because knowing is always better than not knowing. During the initial years of my “reunion” I was never so sad and scared in my life. My health deteriorated, I lost my job, I started smoking again after quitting for 20 years and the list goes on.

I was always a healthy person, no major health issues for my entire life. Suddenly, I was on a medical treatment hamster wheel. Everything is all repaired and controlled now.

I have watched other people go through different health issues in “reunion.” The stress is enormous. Some science type people need to study this for sure.

When other adoptees start their search I ask them, “are you ready for any outcome?” Without discouraging them I want them to think about the possibilities, to prepare themselves, good or bad.

For most of us life is not a cake walk, everyone has their own experience with adversity and challenges.

In my life I’ve worked hard and have taken chances but nothing prepared me for that experience. I used that same work ethic and philosophy to recover from that part of my life as well.

Hopefully I will never experience anything like that again, but if I do, I’m better equipped to handle it. Because it’s not about the challenge it’s how we handle it. Right?

I will continue to explore my heritage and maybe write about it again but at this moment I need to take a break and do some hard work in other parts of my life.

Ciao e À bientôt.



#BreakingAway#MyInspiration