Prologue January 2018

In a couple of months it will be ten years since I reached out to my birth family, old memories return as I am preparing for a milestone spin around the sun. So I reread my short stories about my experience with "reunion." I haven't read these stories in years, nor have I written anything more about my experience. I thought I had nothing more to say on the topic, well until now. As I reread these stories I see the stages of my grief. The first two stories were guarded and coded and the later ones angrier and more direct.
I kept a journal for the entire time of my journey and took notes on every conversation, every dream and every thought.


"1st Rule of Golf" was written in the spring of 2012, four years after my initial conversation with my birth family. I see the longing and sadness in that story. I was still very guarded and protective of them and me. I didn't want to burn any bridge that may have been left standing.

"Broken Heart" is true, no embellishment, well maybe a little, but the events are true including my initial conversation with my birth parents. Even though I say my blood pressure problems were hereditary, which is true, I was so stressed out that it became a huge problem, hence the stress test. I did ace that test, at the time I was running 5 to 7 miles per day, seven days per week. Running for my life! I never realized what your body can do to you when you're a stress case.

"This Message is Marked Not Important" was based on a photo I saw of my bio family at Thanksgiving, all sitting around a large table, no more seats left. Holidays were the toughest to live through knowing that you were being excluded on purpose this time around. It is like looking through a window at your other life.

I saved the photo and emailed it to myself and it got categorized as “Not Important” by the Google God. I cannot go into how I see photos of my family, but I still have connections.

"Robert C Died Yesterday" was about another guy with the same name. Seeing his name as a Google alert shook me to my core. I think this is one of the angriest pieces I wrote. I couldn't believe that they would not break from their lie and contact me before they die. I always dreamt that their story would be one of redemption to make things right between us. I still carry that Mulligan Card in my wallet to this day.

“Do you ever take a Mulligan, you know, a do over, one more chance to do it right? Everyone should have at least one don't you think?”  I carry a Mulligan Card in my wallet to remind me that I can always do it over if I screw up. I don't have to live with every decision I make, that I can think about it and choose to do it over. To make it right. “Everyone should have at least one don't you think?"

"The Summer I Fell in Love" was the last thing I wrote on this topic as a gift to my husband for his birthday, and to let him know how special he makes me feel. He loved when I played the trumpet at the various Feasts in Boston's North End. So that is why I chose the setting.


The older stories are in order at the bottom of the list.

"Indolent" stands alone and the first thing I wrote. Indolent was based on a dream I had early on in "reunion" where my birth parents needed to rename a boat before they gave it to me. No kidding the boat was named Indolent in my dream. Thank you 8th grade English Teacher, I don't know how I remembered that word. Indolent-wanting to avoid activity and exertion. I interpreted that dream and the name of the boat as their hope for me, that I would never want to exert any energy in a search for them. 

My Birth parents are still alive and in their early eighties. I have not heard from them since our first contact.

I am at a different place now, time to write more stories.